Midnight art

Love is a brain game as well.

Anuudari Burenbat,

2015.7.19,

My Brother's birthday <3

Bedroom in Tilburg

Flow and force

Since having substantial amount of my thesis at hand, allowing myself to do some things in which I really feel the "flow state" makes me more fascinated about life. It feels like I can basically stretch myself into any direction I like. But on the other hand, it causes doubt about the current path I have chose. It goes like this: The choice of economics as my major has been strongly influenced by external values, expectation of others and my own willingness to have decent job and fulfilling career. But at some point it all seemed absurd, that I would go on living by doing things I didn't much enjoy... 

Now, I came to think that even an artist can have some complaints about what they do. Some amazing artists can complain about their lack of imagination, people's opinion of their works or about their low amount of earning. Then all of the reasons for these complaints will just boil down to their perspective. If one can be positive about their imperfections, she will have the strength to move forward. If not, she might give up on the way. 

Flow

I chose this profession because I AM interested in it. I might have been glad to be architect or designer. But nothing should be interesting all the time, shouldn't it? Nothing is easy all the time. No one is happy all the time. Nothing good can be done without slightest bit of discomfort, doubt and worries. 

So, I wanted to keep this thought noted: One should not be limited by their career occupation. She can do whatever she wants if she really wants it. That said, even if I choose one major to continue further, it should not limit the space of actions that I can take in the future.

Anuudari Burenbat,
2015.7.19,
Tilburg University Library

Every moment has value

"Peace is every step"

Within the past few months, my emotional state has never been stable, calm or in control. I was either very excited by small events or got upset by everyday negligible problems. The feeling of "bipolar" emotion worried me even more, with occasional thoughts of not living at all. Since I am not able to control my thoughts and feelings, and that I could not make myself feel better, I didn't see anything sensual in life. Why would one go on living if she is to be unhappy in her mind, though her appearance doesn't betray any sign of misery?

Studying hard, I was trying to get to perfectly understand the core of subjects. The fact that I couldn't do that in certain classes made me feel even worse, causing me to blame myself for not being "smart enough". It felt like I was getting sucked down into an endless black-hole. Because of this thought, the feeling of being not "smart" made me even less effective, further strengthening the vicious cycle of negative thinking. Someone who once had a distaste in reading self-help articles was becoming one who always looked for answers to her unanswerable questions from the internet. It shouldn't go on this way.

But the quest for at least partial answers to my problems came with this book I found from google. A book about "peace of mind" or in current terms, "mindfulness". Thich Nhat Hanh, a zen buddhist monk whose activities for peace touched the lives of many, teaches mindfulness in his book, "Peace is every step: The path of mindfulness in everyday life". Peaceful state of mind can be attained with strong willingness to hang on to the present and be aware of what is happening in one's surrounding and one's own thoughts. A savvy to identify one's own emotional state, people's feeling, and focus to be able to recognize what is happening around oneself. 

And the idea of meditating always fascinated me, though I wasn't persistent in it. Especially nowadays, with most urban people having hectic and busy lifestyle, "mindfulness" has been a big topic of interest for those who wanted to be able to focus better instead of losing oneself in endless stream of thoughts, negative thinking and mind of mess. What is mindfulness then? 

Scheveningen, Buddha Statue

Whenever I read or see someone giving advice on meditation, I could notice one common teaching of meditation: "Not trying to control your thoughts, but observing them, getting to recognize the patterns in them". Since my first trial of meditation ended up with me trying to not think about anything and block every thoughts out of my mind without any success, this approach seemed ironic. As time goes by, just letting go of control and stepping back to hear your thoughts came to be bit by bit more reasonable to me. Because, only by knowing your thinking, do I know myself. And only knowing myself, could I control or guide myself. It became clearer and clearer. Thus, I came to the conclusion that mindfulness starts from knowing yourself well.

Small book of modest expression, this book inspired me to be able to appreciate everyday simplicity. Being kind to others, not just to be liked by others, but to realize that you have the capacity to make others feel better about themselves is happiness in itself. A sense of self-worth. The capitalism that we have adopted in Mongolia is wrong because people have been convinced that it is a system where you have to fight for yourself even if it makes others worse-off. 

Though this ideology might open doors to abundance of material wealth, in the deepest of human nature, it can never make people genuinely content in their lives. Because material greed is never satiated. Nonetheless, everyone can make the choice of what to look for in life: happiness or pleasure of mind and pleasure and greed for materials. The former might enable you to be satisfied in both dimensions but the latter will bring you only fancy junks. 

Reading this book and repeating every chapters twice, helped me get myself grounded again. I started trying to anchor myself to the present with breathing, and take interest in what is happening around me. I also started identifying patterns in my negative thinking, while such thoughts once seemed like a new different kind of thoughts whenever I had them. Nevertheless, I realized that most of my negative thinking had specific repeating patterns. Fear of not being good enough, fear of not meeting the expectations of my family and low sense of self-worth. 

Knowing this made me more in control and in touch with myself. And if anyone reached this end reading my writing, I would definitely recommend you the book of Thich Nhat Hanh. If you cannot find it, let me know and I can send you the e-book. 

"... If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain."
                                                                               - Emily Dickinson

May this be the start of more peace of mind. 

Best wishes,

Anuudari Burenbat,

2015.7.14

Tilburg University Library

Ending the last course at TiU

Enabling a break and expecting another journey :)

Well well..

It's not that I am not totally sober on a Friday evening and I came to write about some serious life stuff. I just had 5 times a 100 gr of wine. So I started with dancing alone to my favorite songs (including "Taro" by Alt-J), continued with playing Ukulele and ended up drawing a typography with my own absurd (well, it depends from what perspective you see that) quotes. Enjoying every moments despite the absurdity. 

And finally, I am here. Writing some spontaneous post on my blog.

So this week, I decided to change my blog layout and title and URL etc.. I came to the conclusion that the title "Weirdonomics" was too "economical" which implied to me that the blog was not a personal blog that reflects me not only as an economist, but as an individual who has higher dimension than 1D, only profession. Actually first I decided to start the blog to write everything that I found interesting in economics or worth telling about it. But now, I am feeling restricted by the title... Well. Silly, I know.

And in two months, I will be graduating with a degree of MSc in Econometrics from Tilburg University in the Netherlands, which is vigorously emerging to the world market of higher education. Thanks to a man who is kind-hearted and conversational at my previous internship, I've been informed about Tilburg University. There were times, when it became hard to bear. But I can promise "just blindly knowing" everything is gonna be better is pretty helpful. The key is to not stop at those times, I guess.

Tulip Mania: 1640 by Jan Brueghel the Younger

The reason of many disappointment with myself is the hard-working nature of the students. Since the first day at Tilburg University, I was impressed and overwhelmed about the responsibility and willingness to learn of the international students. Probably it is not just because they are international students, but maybe it was because they have been admitted to a university ranking in top 5 in EU and top 40 throughout the world in terms of economics and business studies.

Furthermore, the Dutch people are hard-working and career is an important part of their lives, to live happy and satisfied. They prove that you can keep up both career and family lives well by using them as vitality that sustain one another. If you are good at your work, you can have a good money and can spend time with family doing cool things. If you are a member of a happy family, you will have energy and optimism for working harder.

They can also really create a warm atmosphere among themselves. They can work hard without excluding life's simple pleasures with friends and family. During warm weather on every Friday evening on my way back home, I would see an extended family having dinner, talking and laughing with one another without age limits.

Econometrics was supposedly the most challenging program at the university with large share of the students as locals. It usually took me long to grasp an idea or complete an assignment. At times, I got demotivated to study due to the complexities of the courses that I would watch IMDB high rated films instead of studying. And they were actually helpful since I delved back to studying with renewed mindset.

Nevertheless of all "not so well" times, student life was experienced, since I had crazy moments of youthfulness here. Student life is characterized as studying desperately, having fun with dare with that tendency to do anything. Plus, a year away from home reveals how valuable the people you have back home. I felt 'rationally' how the people I have in my life were important.

Within the year in the Netherlands, I missed home and there were lot of times that I just wanted to be hugged and reassured that I am capable to keep on continuing. And now I still do. But it is somehow different.

Best wishes,

Anuudari Burenbat

Midnight, 2015.6.5

Лемоны зах зээл хүмүүсийн дунд.

Ижилхэн төрлийн машиний хоёр зах зээл зэрэгцэн оршиж байв. Зарагдаж буй машины чанар хоорондоо тэс ондоо ч гэсэн харахад ялгаагүй. Худалдан авагчид бас хэн сайн, хэн муу машин зарж байгааг мэдэхгүй. Энэ зах зээл яах бол? Хэрвээ дунд түвшний микро эдийн засаг хичээлийг судалсан бол энэхүү Лемоны зах зээлд юу болохыг гадарлаж байгаа байх. Логикоороо хөөж бодож ч болно...

Юу болох вэ? 1970 онд Жорж Акерлоф "The Market for Lemons: Quality Uncertainty and the Market Mechanism" ажлаараа мэдээллийн тэгш бус байдлын эдийн засаг дахь нөлөөллийг эдийн засгийн томъёоллоор тодорхойлсон. Энэ  чиглэлийн судалгаагаар Ж.Стиглиц, М.Спенс нарын хамт Нобелийн шагнал хүртсэн юм. (Сониноос Акерлоф Холбооны Нөөцийн Банкны эмэгтэй ерөнхийлөгч Жанет Иеллэний эр нөхөр шүү дээ :)

Лемоны зах зээл дээрх машины наймаачид үнэн чанар нь ямар байхаас үл хамааран худалдан авагчдад бараагаа сайн чанартай л гэж сурталчилдаг. Бүгд "сайн чанарын" бараа болохоос хойш үнэ нь ч чанаргүй бараанаас үнэтэй тогтоно. Гэвч хугацаа өнгөрөх тусам энэ сайн муу хосолсон нууцлагдмал зах зээлээс муу чанарын барааг илүү үнээр авсан худалдан авагчид ундуйцаж, бусдад зарлаж эхлэнэ. Ингээд тухайн зах зээл дээрхи хүлээлт буурснаас эрэлт бүтнээрээ унах болно.

Лемон

Энэ үйл явц чанартай бараа зардаг "үнэнч" худалдагчдын сайн наймаа хийх хөшүүргийг бууруулж, бүх барааны чанар ерөнхийдөө муу болоход хүргэх ба эцэст нь энэ зах зээл сүйрэх дээр ирнэ.

Энэхүү "market failure" хүмүүсийн дунд ч, тэр тусмаа хөдөлмөрийн зах зээл дээр дөнгөж хөл тавьж буй залуучуудад тохиолдож болно.

Хэрвээ та "лемоны" зах зээл дээр сайн муу чанартай 2 төрлийн машин оршиж байгаад эдийн засгийн хөшүүрэг буурснаас болж зах зээл тэр чигээрээ муу машин худалддаг болсныг ойлгосон бол залуучуудын дунд юу болохыг бас таамагласан байх!

Чин сэтгэлээсээ хөдөлмөрлөж, сурах чухал гэдгийг мэддэг залуучууд цөөнхи үед "тэднээс ондоо" хэсэг бүлэг залуус яг тэдэн шиг мэдлэг чадвартай, өөртөө итгэлтэй загнаж, дүр үзүүлж чадах болно. Ажил олгогчид, сурган хүмүүжүүлэгчид тэдний толгойд юу байгааг харж чадахгүй, хэн нь өөртөө үнэнч гэдгийг мэдэхгүй, ялгахгүй.

Энэ хандлага "сайн" залуусын урмыг хугалж, "муу" байсан ч болох л юм шиг байна гэсэн бодол төрүүлнэ. Энэ бодол тэдний үйл хөдлөлөөр илэрч эхэлмэгц тэр хөдөлмөрийн зах зээлийн чанар уруудаж эхлэх. Уруудахдаа цаст уулаас өнхөрж буй бөмбөлөг мэт уруудах тусмаа хурдалж, чанар тэр их хэмжээгээр унасаар...

Арай гутранги логик байна л даа...

Гэхдээ хааяахан,.. заримдаа л.. нэлээд удаа... би үүнтэй төстэй зүйлийг үеийнхээ залуучуудаас хардаг. Биенээ нэг зүйлд сэтгэл шулуудан зүтгэж байхад нь эргэлзлийн харанхуй руу үгээрээ түлхэж орхидог хүмүүс байдаг. Өөрсдөө тэгэж чадахгүй эсвэл залхуурсан болоод тэр. Тэр үгийг сонссон залуу өөрийн хичээл зүтгэлдээ эргэлзэж эхэлснээр түүний "чанар" муудаж эхлэнэ...

Эдийн засгийн онолоос гарсан Лемоны проблем энэ тохиолдолд хүний сэтгэл хөдлөлөөр илэрч байна. Урам хугарал, эргэлзээ, гутрал, айдас... Зүтгэж байгаа хүний өмнө садаа болох үг толгойд чинь орвол тэр үгээ залги. Эсвэл өөрөөсөө би юунд ингэж зүтгэл гаргаж байлаа гээд нэг асуу! Гол нь тэр хүний  итгэлийг битгий хумсал. Зүгээр л орхи.

Бүрэнбатын Ануударь,
Тилбургийн Их Сургуулийн номын сангаас,
2015.6.9

Note: Abruptly had the idea of the Lemmon's problem in labor market. For no one in particular.